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Embarking on, and raising money for my single parenthood!


Image description: Sam, who is raising money for single parenthood and telling his story to The Queer Parenting Partnership



I’ve written an ask for donations which I will post below - it’s directly off of my GoFundMe page and it details my vision of parenthood as a queer man and all the IVF work and expenses ahead - but before I share that - I wanted to share details about my story that are especially worth highlighting here, on this awesome Parenting Queer blog! I want everyone who considers my story and considers donating to know 3 things:


  1. As prospective queer parents, queer parents, or parents with queer children, we should always look for ways to amplify each other’s stories and support each other’s journeys. I believe that as a queer parent, I will use the strength of my voice - in education, in public policy, and in my community - to amplify and advance the issues important to our community. Having each other’s backs means using the powers and platforms our life affords us to make an impact! I will never stop looking for ways to support queer parents and children, build community with queer families and fight like hell for our dignity and human rights in all aspects of society, no matter where I live in the future! Solidarity is survival! We can count on each other!

  2. Being a queer man and having kids should mean that we love and support our kids for who they are - that is a given! And for queer folks who know what it feels like to lack belonging, it’s important that we raise our kids to always feel loved, heard and appreciated for exactly who they are and who they become. I promise to raise my children in an accepting environment and do whatever I can to help other children feel accepted as I continue my career as a school teacher! This goes beyond LGBTQ acceptance. I will be parenting biracial African-American children who I will love and support as an ally to many important causes of the Black Lives Matter movement. I will support my children’s learning environment to ensure they have all the support they can get if they face unique challenges in the classroom as a result of disability, gift, or talent. I will support their dietary preferences, their likes and interests, and their personal beliefs, even if they grow to differ from my own. Acceptance and love must be unconditional. That is my pledge.

  3. Please consider donating but also consider sharing my story!I hope you can help me spread the word! If you want to share my story with others, here is the link to my GoFundMe: https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-sam-become-a-dad?utm_campaign=p_cf+share-flow-1&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_source=customer


My name is Sam and I’ve dreamt of fatherhood for as long as I can remember! Every day, I grow only more enthusiastic in my hopes to finally raise a child! I’m wholeheartedly dedicated to this unparalleled, life-transforming challenge and feel truly optimistic about my ability to take on everything it entails.


I will be working with Hanabusa IVF in San Diego, California to make my single parenthood possible. Whatever you contribute to this GoFundMe will go directly towards the costs of the medical procedures that my egg donor and surrogate require. A contribution of anything from 80 bucks to $1,000 (Or less! Or more!) will be significant and there are no words to capture how deeply profound the gratitude my family and I will feel.


I am thankful to anyone who even considers this fundraiser, as I know it is not your duty to do so whatsoever. However, I will do my best to make my case for parenthood and tell you a little bit more about myself as well, in hopes that you can contribute whatever you can towards this life-defining dream of mine.


I have felt tied to the role of parenthood for just about as long as I can remember. It’s something I’ve spent over a decade thinking endlessly about. Every day, I think about scenarios, conversations, challenges, limitations and everything I can imagine, working my mind inside out over and over again. I’m extremely excited and elated at the prospect that I can finally put a decade’s worth of built-up willpower into action. I’m fortunate to have a village of supportive friends and family eager to help me though it! But I have seen many of my loved ones rise to the challenge of raising a baby and I am under no delusions about how crazy it is! Babyhood is clearly as wild as anything can be - a 24/7 mania! I will take on this madness no matter how exhausting and bewildering it is, and raise the healthiest baby known to man! ;) As for my kid’s childhood, I pride myself on how “good with kids” I have always felt that I am. I know my child will be a unique individual whose personality traits I cannot even begin to foresee. What I will have with my child will be an undeniably unique and layered relationship. I will work to love and support my child, and be a reliable mentor through all their ups and downs. Those who know me best will attest to how important it is to me to give every person, of just about every conceivable personality trait, a chance to be someone I can dedicate myself to positively impacting. I bring this approach to everyone in my life, and I will bring this approach to the relationship I build with my child. I will always be mindful and intentional about the decisions I make and while remaining confident, I will never stop looking for ways to improve. I will not only dedicate myself to my child, but I will always do everything I can to connect them to as many opportunities and positive relationships as I possibly can. I will foster the community around them, and prioritize their friendships and connections to my closest and most trusted friends and family members. Finally, I will instill values of self-esteem, compassion, and empathy in my child, doing everything I can to equip them for the life they’ll have once I’m no longer on this earth. I know, deep down, within every fiber of my being, that I will be the best dad I can possibly be.


As a teacher, I pour my heart and soul into my students and dedicate as much time as I can not only to their education, but to their holistic betterment as members of our global society. I work so hard to do as much as I can for them and I feel confident in achieving my goal to make a significantly positive impact on their lives. Yet, I know I am not their parent. Throughout the duration of their childhood and transition into adulthood, I cannot always be there for my students and I cannot always make meeting their needs my top priority in life, as that is ultimately the job of their family. However, I have always wanted a child of my own to be this person for - to guide them through everything and always be there when they need me. I want to be a parent who tries so hard never to miss an opportunity to nurture, to care for, to educate and to love my child. I cannot emphasize enough how strongly I feel that I will rise to this challenge and all the chaos and stress that accompanies it. I have always worked so hard to meet all the individual needs of my students, and I will do everything I can to go 100 extra miles to do the same for my child. I will be relentless in this 24/7 dedication. It’s my dream. It’s my life’s ambition.


As an unmarried gay man, parenthood is something I cannot achieve using the same methods that many of my straight friends and family members can. Moreover, adoption is also virtually impossible for unmarried men. Worldwide, it is restricted almost exclusively to couples. Therefore, I have chosen IVF to make my parenthood possible. The team at Hanabusa IVF is among the best in the world, and, with an incredibly impressive success rate, they will do everything they can to make my parenthood possible.


In order to help make this happen, both of my own parents are generously sacrificing some of their precious retirement money. They are doing so with enormous selflessness and their support is incredibly appreciated, but the sacrifice, as it would be for anybody of retirement age, is financially significant. It’s an enormous expense for me and my parents to take on. In total, think of it as about 100 times more costly than “traditional” pregnancies. There are countless people who wish to embark on parenthood, and they are unable to do so as a result of the cost. I am so fortunate that I will indeed be able to make this happen. However, I really believe that what I am unable to contribute to this cause is a burden that should not be placed entirely on the shoulders of my parents. They are two of the most selfless and hardworking people I’ve ever known, and they deserve as much of a stress-free retirement as possible. Therefore, I am looking beyond my parents for help in making this dream a reality. With the loving support and generosity of my friends, my extended family, my friend’s families, and whomever wishes to give to this cause, I believe that that my dream of parenthood can be a reality. To anybody who wishes to contribute, I will be forever grateful and boundlessly thankful.


Thank you for taking the time to read this.


In case you missed the link up top, here it is again: https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-sam-become-a-dad?utm_campaign=p_cf+share-flow-1&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_source=customer


Feel free to contact me anytime with questions and I will always reply as soon as I can! If you have any questions or uncertainties about supporting me, feel free to reach out to me via sammetsfan@yahoo.com.


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